It was the restoration of innocence after experience. I can’t explain it, but I got to know and see how my soul is innately good. All that fear I had about what I was going to find proved inappropriate and a disconnect. It was the integration between knowledge and feeling

“What needs to happen for you to reclaim your power?” my facilitator asked me.  Suddenly, he named or labelled what was there lingering for me, yet undiscovered, in such a powerful and direct way. Why do I think I need permission? What is permission giving me, what does it represent? What happens if I do not have these queues? Why do I place value in these queues? If they are not there, does that mean that my experience is devalued? What type of external validation am I looking for?

Being aware that something that you said or did can have different (and sometimes opposing) impact on different people is a crucial datapoint for decision making that reduces the surprise factor. When we allow for the space between our expectation and the reality of how things went, we save time and energy, we spare ourselves negative emotions, we do not take it personally, and we have the opportunity to repair real-time whatever was teared. 

When we move away from our area of expertise (sharing how others impact us) to the others’ expertise (their motives, intentions, etc.) interpersonal learning gets distorted. This is what it’s often referred to “crossing the net”: it’s crossing from my area of expertise to your area of expertise.